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Song Paradies

WaPo was running a contest - here are some of the winners - my fave is Cosmetic Surgeon!

Jewish space laser wielder Tune of “White Christmas”

I’m aiming Jewish space lasers.
I make them bright and fast and hot.
I start work on Monday
And work through Sunday
(Though I don’t work on Shabbat).
I’m aiming Jewish space lasers.
I launch them from a trampoline.
When you see these words on your screen,
They’ll be coming from Ms. Taylor Greene. (Barbara Sarshik, McLean, Va.)

Winner of the Clowning Achievement:

Cosmetic surgeon

(To "I Saw Her Standing There”)

If you are past 39

And your form’s in decline,

Well, there may be parts that I can help repair,

So how 'bout I tuck in your tummy, ooh!

And lift your derriere?

Well, people are vain

But, hey, I can’t complain

'Cause self-regard made me a millionaire

There’s still time to look like Jane Fonda, ooh!

When you’re on Medicare.

Well, it may be crass but you’ll love your ass

And your face without a line!

Oh your skin may shine at night

And it may feel kinda tight,

And when you laugh, your mouth may feel real sore.

But you’ll never look like your mother, ooh,

Once you come in through my door. (Bob Kruger, Rockville, Md.)

A Policeman’s Lot is not a Happy One

The Librarian’s Lament, or The Cartful Drudger (To “Consider Yourself”)
Written and sung by children’s librarian Sarah Walsh, Rockville, Md.

Orchestral violinist (To “Sixteen Tons”)
(By Jonathan Jensen, performed by Jonathan, a Baltimore Symphony Orchestra bassist; and BSO violinist Ellen Pendleton Troyer)